I left my house with a lot of time to spare before I was supposed to be at the gymnastics club coaching. I made a mental checklist of all the things I wanted to get done in this rare amount of spare time. This list that I thought was crucial consisted of going to the bank, running by the grocery store for a snack, hitting Starbucks for a quick boost, calling my mom, posting to Instagram, checking in with my sister through text. My mind raced through the list as I merged onto the highway, prepared to be in the car and rushing around for the next 45 minutes.
I have a favorite loop to run and walk. You know how you have your favorite spot to read or your favorite place in your home to relax? I love and feel at home walking and running around the River Market. I feel safe with all the people around. I love being by the water and running over the bridges. TO ME, there is no better feeling than being in my favorite spot, outside in the fresh air, listening to music with the time alone to reflect. This loop happens to be between my home and my jobs.
I think about this loop from the time I wake up until the point when I make the time to get outside. My heart knows this loop heals me. I have this urge to feel the sun on my face and breath the fresh air at all times. BUT, because I’m human I make all these excuses. The list I listed above, THOSE are the exact excuse(s) I’m referring too.
The walking helped heal me when I was struggling with depression. The walking helped heal me through my first big heart break. The walking helped me on the journey of finding myself. The walking got me through my struggles with an eating disorder. The walking heals me when I can’t even pinpoint whats wrong. You would think since I KNOW this with absolute certainty I would put walking first…. but nope.
I wish you could hear all the excuses going through my mind about 5 minutes before I was to pass the exit on my way to accomplish all those “errands”. I laugh because your mind will try so hard to talk you out of what your heart really wants and needs.
So, I’m coming up on the exit and I hear myself saying “Okay Kristina…. you have a choice here. You can go rush through all your errands and create more anxiety that may be transferred into the way you coach, OR run your heart out for 15 minutes and feel that anxiety leave your body. You can go to your girls and lead by example. You can transfer all your good energy to them because you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. Kristina you KNOW this is what you need to do for you and them.”
I basically swerved off the exit. Put my headphones on and I ran. I ran fast. I ran for myself. And I followed the directions my heart has guiding me.
And you know what, I got back in the car feeling on top of the world. I felt so proud of myself. The gymnasts and I had a great practice. So many smiles. THAT is healing, love and good energy at work.
All that being said, no it is not always easy to choose what your self-love asks of you. But, find that thing that gives you life, and do it for you. Do it for the people you love most. We all want to see you happy and proud.
I out ran the pressure and took back my power.
I hope I can come back on days I’m struggling to choose self-love, read this post and find that strength all over again.
To running your heart out,